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Evan Whitton
1 December, 2006  
Where the offence is, let the axe fall

Mr Loophole lumbered … Snarler Cheney’s war “interests” ... Democrats who get their snouts in the trough will have to beware the Republican media … Better for the Wallabies to select and train themselves

Mr Loophole lumbered

And where the offence is, let the great axe fall.” (Hamlet, 1601).

imageWell, up to a point, Lord C. In 99 criminal cases out of 100, defence lawyers’ job is effectively to pervert justice, and no axe falls. But soft, has lawyer Nick (Mr Loophole) Freeman (Justinian September 7) suddenly become axe-worthy?

The Times reported on October 31 that detectives acting for Gwent (Wales) police raided his Manchester office and arrested him on suspicion of conspiracy to pervert the course of justice.

Mr L (snap) can assert that he performs an essential public service: he helps rich people charged with motoring offences to stay behind the wheel. If it comes to a trial, we must all hope that the beak will conceal from the jury his surprising admission that what he does is immoral.

* * *

Whacko lawyers’ standing ovation for hard-faced person

On November 17 the not quite lame duck President at common law, R. Bruce (Snarler) Cheney, 65, made his first public statement after the November 7 bloodbath.

The venue was the annual convention of the Federalist Society, a whacko right lawyers’ club, which is the Snarler’s first port of call for federal bench appointments. He was thus bound to get a standing ovation, however silly his remarks. He said:

“To get out [of Iraq] before the job is done would convince the terrorists once again that free nations will change our policies, forsake our friends, and abandon our interests whenever we are confronted with violence and blackmail.”

Abandon our interests? I don’t imagine the old lawyer-shooter was referring to his interests as a major stockholder in imageHalliburton Energy Services, which, along with its subsidiaries, got Iraq jobs worth $US7 billion without the bother of putting in tenders.

Nor could Stanley Baldwin (snap) possibly have had him in mind when he said:

“They are a lot of hard-faced men who look as if they had done very well out of the war.”

For one thing, Earl Baldwin died in 1947, and for another he was referring to the 1919 House of Commons.

* * *

Iraq good; Vietnam excellent

Speaking of silly, last week Jackie said Iraq is not a disaster and Vietnam was not a mistake.

This may mean he agrees with Bill Clinton that it’s better to be wrong and strong than weak and right (Mr Karl Beazley perhaps?) If not, it may be time for the men in the white coats with the big butterfly nets.

* * *

The second law of politics

imageBobby Kennedy (snap) spent the last five years of his life in the grim belief that his attack on the Mob was a factor in his brother’s murder.

His son, environment lawyer Robert Kennedy Jnr, now 52, has a similarly bleak view of the trade his father and his uncle followed. Corporate Crime Reporter (January 3, 2005) reported him as quoting Reichsmarschall Hermann Goering (1893-1946):

“It is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship… All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.”

Yes indeed. I believe we were going to be attacked by dangerous persons in leaky boats, and by Mr S. Hussein, although we were bribing the socks off him.

Democrat snouts in the trough

Bobby Jnr’s view of politicians suggests that the US will be only marginally better off with the Democrats in control of Congress. He said:

“While communism is the control of business by government, fascism is the control of government by business… The Republicans are 95 per cent corrupt and the Democrats are 75 per cent corrupt. They are accepting money from the same corporations. And of course, that is going to corrupt you.”

The largesse is funnelled through 30,000 lobbyists in Washington (pop. 600,000), of whom the now-gaoled Jack Abramoff was only the most visible briber.

But Democrat snouters will need to have a care. The Republican media will scrutinise corrupt Democrats more stringently than it did corrupt Republicans.

* * *

End of a Golden Age

imageThe first paper pleading (in 1460) ended the golden age of pleading (Justinian December 14, 2004). And notwithstanding the Wallabies’ demolition of perennial easybeats Scotland the Bravish at the weekend (Nov. 25), it is Justinian’s melancholy duty to declare Australia’s golden age of Rugby officially over.

It also fell to your correspondent to disclose, in the programme for the 1984 Murrayfield international, that the GA, defined – but only for Australia – as breaking even or a little better, began at Eden Park in 1978.

The coach, Mr Daryl Haberecht, suffered a heart seizure before the match, and the team declined with thanks a kind offer by the manager, Mr Ross Turnbull, fondly known as Mad Dog or The Dog for short, to take over.

Mr Tony Shaw’s team was thus self-coached. To the astonishment of New Zullanders, the No. 8, Mr Greg Cornelsen, sprinted a total of one metre to score four tries, and Australia won comprehensively 30-18.

Perhaps the current coach, Queensland’s Mr John (Knuckles [on the Ground]) Connolly, will take the point and make a graceful exit. Left to themselves, the players might even pick the right team.


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